To Our Dear Young People
Your heavenly Father,
Jehovah God, loves you very much. He wants you to be happy. ‘But is it really
possible to be happy today?’ you may wonder. The question is a good one. After
all, our lives are far from trouble-free. It seems that challenges arise every
day that could rob us of our joy. Ah, but our loving Father has come to the
rescue! His Word provides the guidance we need to navigate the rough
seas of life. Although the Bible was written a long time ago, its counsel is
just as practical as it was when it was first written. –Psalm 99:2; 2 Timothy
3:16, 17.
We have had this
publication prepared because we love you. We want you to be happy and to get
the best out of life. To that end, we encourage you not only to read this
publication from cover to cover but also to refer to it often as problems
arise. One of the objectives of this book is to promote better communication
between you and your parents. We hope that you will read or even study portions
of it together. Take advantage of your parents’ wisdom and experience!
With every good wish,
Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses
Answers That Work!
‘How can I communicate
with my parents?’ “How can I make friends?’ “What’s with casual sex?’ ‘Why do I
get so sad?’
If you’ve asked yourself such questions, you’re not alone.
Depending on where you’ve turned for guidance, you may have been given
conflicting answers. To help young people get solid advice they can rely on.
Awake! magazine launched the Bible-based series entitled “Young People Ask...” in January 1982. Decades later, the series still draws an enthusiastic
response. Each article is the product of extensive research. In fact, to
determine just how young people think and feel. Awake! Writers have spoken to
hundreds of youths all over the world! More importantly, though, the advice given
in “Young People Ask” is based on God’s Word, the Bible.
The book you now hold was originally published in 1989.
However, the chapters have been completely revised to address the issues today.
More than 30 chapters have been adapted from “Young People Ask” articles that
were published between 2004 and 2011.
Questions Young People Ask---Answers That Work, Volume 1,
will provide you with the tools you need to become a responsible adult. It is our
hope that as you apply its advice, you will join the millions of people, both
young and adult, who “through use have their perceptive powers trained to
distinguish both right and wrong.” ~Hebrews
5:14 –The Publishers
This Book Contains: key scriptures that highlight main
points, tips, practical suggestions that will help you succeed – did you know…
facts that will stimulate your thinking.
Action Plan: opportunities to express how you will put
the material to use – what do you think – questions that will help you reason
on what you’ve read…
In addition… my journal – each section of this book ends
with a journal page that will allow you to put your thoughts into words – role
model – selected Bible characters are featured as worthy of imitation…
1 Dealing With Family
How Can I Talk To My
Family?
“I’ve tried really hard to tell my parents how I felt,
but it didn’t come out right—and they just cut me off. It took a lot for me to
get up the nerve to express myself, and it was a complete failure!”—Rosa
When you were younger, your parents were probably the first
ones you ran to for advice. You told them any news, big or small. You freely
expressed your thoughts and feelings, and you had confidence in their advice.
Now, though, you might feel that your parents just can’t
relate to you anymore. “One evening at mealtime, I began to cry and pour out my
feelings,” says a girl named Edie. “My parents listened, but they didn’t seem
to understand.”
The result: “I just went to my bedroom and cried some more!”
On the other hand, sometimes you might prefer not to open up
to your parents. “I talk to my parents about many subjects,” says a boy named
Christopher. “But I like it that sometimes they don’t know everything I’m
thinking.”
Is it wrong to keep some thoughts to yourself? Not necessarily—as
long as you’re not being deceitful. (Proverbs 3:32) Nevertheless, whether your
parents don’t seem to understand you or you are holding back, one thing is
certain: You need to talk to your parents, and they need to hear from you.
Keep Talking!
In some ways, communicating with your parents is like
driving a car. If you encounter a roadblock, you don’t give up: you simply find
another route. Consider two examples.
Roadblock 1: You need
to talk, but your parents don’t seem to be listening. “I find it difficult
to communicate with my father,” says a girl named Leah. “Sometimes I’ll talk to
him for a while, and then he’ll say, ‘I’m sorry, were you speaking to me?’”
QUESTION: What if
Leah really needs to discuss a problem? She has at least three options.
(Just as a roadblock
need not be a dead end, you can find a way to get through and communicate with
your parents!)
A: Yell. Leah was with her
dad. Leah screams: “Come on, this is important! Listen!”
B: Stop talking to
her dad. Leah simply gives up trying to talk about her problem.
C: Wait for a better
time and bring up the subject again. Leah speaks with her dad face-to-face
later, or she writes him a letter about her problem.
Tip: If you find it
difficult just to sit and talk with your parent(s) about a problem, discuss the
matter while you are walking, driving, or shopping together.
Let’s explain each option to see where it would likely lead.
Leah’s dad is distracted—and thus unaware of her
frustration. So if Leah chooses Option A, her screaming might seem to come out
of nowhere. This option probably won’t make Leah’s dad more receptive to her
words, and it won’t show respect and honor for him. (Ephesians 6:2) Really,
then, this option leads to a no-win situation.
While Option B may be the easiest course to take, it’s not
the wisest. Why? Because “there is a frustrating pf plans where there is no
confidential talk.” (Proverbs 15:22) To deal successfully with her problems,
Leah needs to talk to her dad—and if he’s going to be of any help, he needs to
know what’s going on in her life. Ceasing to talk accomplishes neither.
With Option C, however, Leah doesn’t let a roadblock become
a dead end. Rather, she tries to discuss the subject another time. And if she
chooses to write her dad a letter, Leah might feel better right away. Writing
the letter may also help her to formulate exactly what she wants to say. When he
reads the letter, Leah’s dad will learn what she was trying to tell him, which
may help him to understand her plight better. Option C thus benefits both Leah
and her dad.
“Communicating with your parents isn’t always
easy, but when you do open u and talk to them, you feel as if a huge weight has
been lifted off your mind.” ~Devenye
What other options
might Leah have? See if you can think of one and write it below. Then write
down where that option would likely lead.
Did You Know…
Just as you may find
it difficult to talk with your parents about serious subjects, they may feel awkward
and inadequate when trying to talk with you about those same subjects.
Roadblock 2: Your
parents want to talk, but you’d rather not. “There’s nothing worse than
being hit with questions immediately after a hard day at school,” says a girl
named Sarah. “I just want to forget about school, but right away my parents
start asking: ‘How was your day? Were there any problems?' ” No doubt, Sarah’s
parents ask such questions with the best of intentions. Still, she laments, “It’s
hard to talk about school when I’m tired and stressed.”
Question: What can
Sarah do in this situation? As with the previous example, she has at least three
options.
A: Refuse to talk, Sarah
says: “Please, just leave me alone. I don’t want to talk right now!”
B: Go ahead and talk.
Despite feeling stressed, Sarah begrudgingly answers her parents’ questions.
C: Delay the “school”
talk but keep the conversation going on
another topic. Sarah suggests that they discuss school at another time,
when she knows that she’ll be in a better frame of mind. Then she says, with
genuine interest: “Tell me about your
day. How did things go for you?”
Which option do you think
Sarah should choose?
Again, let’s explore each option to see where it would
likely lead.
Sarah is stressed and isn’t inclined to talk. If she chooses
Option A, she’ll still feel stressed, but she’ll also feel guilty for blowing u
at her parents. – Proverbs 29:11.
Meanwhile, Sarah’s parents won’t appreciate her outburst—or the
silence that follows. They may suspect that Sarah is hiding something. They
might try even harder to get her to open up, which, of course, would frustrate
her more. In the end, this option leads to a no-win situation.
Option B is obviously a better choice than Option A. After all,
at least Sarah and her parents are talking, but since the conversation isn’t
heartfelt, neither Sarah nor her parents are going to get what they want—a relaxed, open discussion.
With Option C, however, Sarah will feel better because the “school”
talk has been delayed for now. her parents will appreciate her effort to make
conversation, so they’ll be happy too. This option likely has the best chance
of success because both sides are applying the principle found at Philippians
2:4, which says: “Look out for one another’s interest, not just for your own.”
~Today’s English Version.
Action Plan!
The next time I feel I
want to stop talking to my parents, I will……
If my parent pushes me
to talk about a subject that I am reluctant to discuss, I will say……
What I would like to
ask my parent(s) about his subject is…..
“I talk straight from
my heart and speak sincerely,” ~Job 33:3, The Holy Bible in the language of
Today, by William Beck.
Avoid Sending Mixed
Messages
Remember, the words you say and the message your parents
hear do not always match. For example, your parents ask you why you seem to be in a
bad mood. You say, “I don’t want to talk about it.” But your parents hear: “I don’t
trust you enough to confide in you.” Try this exercise by filling in your answers.
Imagine that you are facing a difficult problem and your parent offers help.
If you say: “Don’t worry. I can handle it myself.”
Your parents may
hear:
A better response
from you might be:
The bottom line? Choose your words carefully. Deliver them
in a respectful tone of voice. (Colossians 4:6) Think of your parents as your
allies, not your enemies. And let’s face it: You need all the allies you can
get if you are to cope with the challenges you have to deal with.
IN OUR NEXT CHAPTER: What if talking to your parents isn’t the
problem—it’s that each time you talk, you argue?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
·
What role does timing play in good
communication? –Proverbs 26:11
·
Why is talking with your parents worth the
effort? –Job 12:12.
(These examples may
also apply to any situation that involves communication with your spouse or
significant other or other relationships.)
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